# 10: Walking and Falling Utku Kaynar · 2019-09-16 · https://utkukaynar.io/posts/letters-10-en/ > Watching Ada learn to walk prompts a letter about vulnerability, falling, and finding the strength to get up again. ![Feet taking steps along a path, in black and white](https://utkukaynar.io/images/letters/10-walking.jpg) *Photo by [Liana S](https://unsplash.com/@cherstve_pechivo) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/photos/feet-walking-on-a-path-black-and-white-bqQcZlUkkns).* *September 16, 2019 / San Jose, California* Ada, Today you turned exactly eleven months old, and although your mother and I can hardly believe it, next month we will celebrate your first birthday. Between your development and the rapid pace of my work, this year has passed in the blink of an eye. I honestly do not know how it happened. Today we will talk about walking and falling. More precisely, about the place these two things will have in your life. You only just started crawling, and now you are slowly taking little sideways steps like a crab, holding on to things as you go. A good part of the time I spend with you while you are awake goes toward supporting those efforts. You hold on to something, and I stand with my hands hovering on either side of you so I can catch you if you fall. The other day, as you were once again holding on to something and trying to take a step, I realized this: to learn to walk, you first had to make peace with falling. Not just fall, not just brush it off or pay it no mind, but all of those things and something more: make peace with the very idea of falling. Without that, you could not take proper steps. Learning to walk depended on getting used to falling. That thought shook me, because it was the exact opposite of what most of us adults do—sometimes including me. As children, we all live with an acceptance of our vulnerability, of the fact that we can get hurt, that we can fall, and that we have fallen many times before. In those years, not succeeding is part of life and part of play. As we grow up, the culture we grow up in, the competitive nature of education and working life, and society's glorification of invincibility and invulnerability change that. What matters now is reaching the goal, not knowing how to fall; winning, not showing that you are hurt. In our everyday lives, we inhabit a culture that assumes the biggest winners are the strongest, the most invulnerable, the ones who would feel nothing even if you cut them. This pushes all winners to hide their weaknesses. Of course making mistakes is encouraged—but only as long as you win. That is why, as we grow up, we forget something so simple and valuable that we learned as babies. I hope that over many long years of life you will walk different paths, have different experiences, meet people, go on adventures, and, I hope, always keep learning. Neither in your school years nor in adulthood should you forget that showing your weaknesses is true strength, my daughter. True strength lies not in hiding your vulnerability but in making peace with it and working through it—just as you learned when you were learning to walk and may later forget, thanks to the culture and the system around you. Some battles are worth fighting even when you know you will lose. The real winners are those who can overcome themselves—and the egos that tell them to hide their weaknesses—rather than win battles or matches. You may fall. You may stumble. You may be hurt, heartbroken, cry, and suffer. The more you accept these things and share them with the people around you who care about you, the stronger you will be, and the more you will find the strength to get up and try again. Because when you find the strength to see and show your vulnerability, you will also learn to face it and, eventually, to let it be. How far you can walk will be determined by how much you can fall and how much you can get back up. That is what life is like: fall and get up, my daughter. There is no better way to learn. With love, Dad. --- [Originally published on Medium](https://medium.com/adaya-mektuplar/yurumek-ve-dusmek-6003b9643309)