# Eight: Freedom Utku Kaynar · 2019-06-16 · https://utkukaynar.io/posts/letters-08-en/ > A letter to Ada about outward liberties, inner freedom, and finding her own voice. ![Birds soaring across a pink and violet sky](https://utkukaynar.io/images/letters/08-freedom.jpg) *Photo by [Saurav Mahto](https://unsplash.com/@sauravmahto) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/photos/birds-flying-under-blue-sky-during-daytime-ijWb7URJQyo).* *June 16, 2019, San Jose, California* Ada, Today you turned exactly eight months old. We have not been able to see each other for about 70 days. There is something else special about today: it is also Father's Day. Thanks to you, I am experiencing my first Father's Day, but we cannot celebrate it together because circumstances beyond our control are keeping me away from you. I miss you so much. Today we are going to talk about freedom. My daughter, it is very important that you understand what this thing that will occupy so much of your life is—and what it is not. After love, freedom must be the idea people have written and spoken about the most. So many have fought for it, lost their lives for it, attained it, or sought to bring it under control. Volumes have been written about it. In a sense, the history of freedom could also be considered the history of humanity. Of course, my aim in this letter is not to examine the subject comprehensively, but simply, as in my other letters, to give you a few simple pointers that may be useful. So what is freedom? The most modern definition we have reached in our time is to be free in your thoughts, religion, beliefs, conscience, political views, and life choices up to the point where the equally defined freedoms of others begin. In other words, your thoughts belong to you, and you are free to think them. Your beliefs belong to you, and you are free to believe them. You cannot be interrogated, tried, or punished for your life choices or political views, nor can you be socially excluded because of them. At least in theory. Ada, the citizens of many countries around the world—and, at times and in part, even the citizens of your homeland—live outside the framework above. Because of both the choices of elected / appointed leaders and the social pressures within communities, a rightful liberty beyond the established order is not possible, at least in practice. That is why there is an effort to make what we call fundamental rights and freedoms common to all humanity. You will encounter many examples of this in the century you live in: [oppressive countries](https://freedomhouse.org/report/freedom-world/freedom-world-2018), societies, social circles, and people. More painfully still, oppressive [gender roles](http://siddetsizlikmerkezi.org/kavramlar/toplumsal-cinsiyet/). Yet this century is on its way to becoming one in which women leave their mark. I hope you will never have to face the pressures that other women encountered and fought in earlier times. Ada, you are free in your thoughts, beliefs, and choices. Your mother's and my duty is to provide an environment in which you can develop them, learn about life in all its dimensions, and experience it—not to impose a particular way of thinking on you. There will certainly be places where our ways of thinking overlap. But what matters is that you find your own voice and sing your own song of life. Whenever you stumble over the notes of that song, you will find us beside you. Even when we cannot always be there physically, we will be there through our words, the time we have spent together, and the things we have taught you. Whatever voice you find, whatever song you sing, whatever you choose, we will always love and support you. Despite all this, there will be times in your life when you are asked to sing other people's songs. Sometimes you will find yourself having to fit in. That, too, is part of life. Ada, the framework I have described above mostly concerns outward liberty. There is also inner freedom. Many of the people you encounter in life, though at liberty in their physical world, are not free in their inner world. True freedom, my daughter, is the will to choose between stimulus and reaction. You cannot choose what happens to you in life, but choosing how you react is in your hands. You cannot choose your thoughts or feelings, but you can choose how you respond to them. Freedom is the answer to the question of whether you will react or respond to the things that affect you as a human being. A person directed by their reactions, automatic emotions, and thoughts that have not been filtered through reason cannot be called free. That is why most people are at liberty, but very few are free. To be truly free is to free yourself from conditioned reactions to every influence, from thoughts to emotions. The opposite of freedom is not physical captivity; it is dogma in thought. Dogma means accepting a life governed by the consequences of unquestioned patterns of thought and feeling. Ada, in this adventure called life, your task is to find your own words and songs. They may not resemble anyone else's. Others may not like them. That does not matter. You can find them only by moving away from dogma and trusting and relying on yourself, your education, your upbringing, and your own sense of self. When you find them, you will see that the most fundamental freedom is to be free within yourself, in your heart and mind. Without those freedoms, your body and spirit, too, can only be considered at liberty. The greatest kindness you can do yourself in this world, my daughter, is to value freedom of heart, mind, body, and spirit. I am ending this letter with a song about freedom that I love very much. When I first heard it, I was a child like you, probably no older than six. Have a listen—let's see if you like it. [Listen to the song](https://medium.com/media/1757430e947ca1faa7f2c0e38d6f38f2/href) With love, Dad. P.S. This photograph is in memory of our first Father's Day. ![Ada and her dad, June 2019](https://utkukaynar.io/images/letters/08-2.jpg) Ada and her dad, June 2019. --- [Originally published on Medium](https://medium.com/adaya-mektuplar/sekiz-%C3%B6zg%C3%BCrl%C3%BCk-1cd59fb0f3ec)